I, Lumberjack.

Tree-rich forest“Seriously dude this is the greatest moment of my life,” Frank said as we pulled up to my brother, Pat’s, house. Or rather where his house will be in two months.  “It’s like heaven without the virgins.”

“Heads up,” I muttered.  A large poplar crashed across the road, sending a spray of splinters the size of daggers into the air.  Dad waved at us from the fractured remains of Mother Nature.  Against the ragged stump, he rested his chainsaw and chugged at a canteen (filled with sweet tea).  Several thunderstorms were predicted to roll across the county later that afternoon, dissipating some of the heat eventually.  However, we were not about to cut trees in the rain and so until then, we would suffer the heat.

Finished, Dad wiped his brow and handed Frank the saw, grunting as he did so toward a sixty-foot tree at the edge of the property.  At his nod, I moseyed toward the chipper, where Sean and Ryan stuffed broken branches and freshly cut saplings between revolving gears and mechanical teeth.  The machine gurgled and screamed as it chewed, finally spitting out its waste like a bulimic model onto growing piles of discarded chips and shavings. Continue reading

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Certainly, I can!

Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, ‘Certainly I can!’ Then get busy and find out how to do it. — Theodore Roosevelt

As a long-time patron of bookstores, I possess a passion for books, authors, and reading in general, and thus the ideal qualifications for this position and any other at your stores . . .

Crap.  Another hour wasted writing cover letters to local bookstores.  My recent attempts at schools and libraries have failed; desperation has driven me to scan ads for sales clerks or coffee barristas.  Yet even these opportunities are not without their challenges in today’s economy.  For example, Borders and Barnes & Nobel both require resume and cover letters, not to mention forms and questionnaires.  Most employers require your life story before even considering hiring.  And mine at the moment is not exactly a contender for the Pulitzer. Continue reading

Dragon at Midnight

Last real photoshop project from me for a while.  Then I’ll get back to harping on life, the universe, and other pertinent topics for the unemployed philosopher.

I found this old log during the past week while lumberjacking (more on that in my next post) and thought it could be an interesting project for my growing photo-manipulation skills.  Anyway, I’m quite happy with the results, regretting only one or two hundred details which considering past attempts serves as a good benchmark for success.  If I can reduce my dissatisfaction to below five-hundred mistakes and errors, then I’m feeling pretty optimistic.

Thus, here’s my ‘Dragon at Midnight’ . . . Any and all criticism is appreciated unless it’s negative and then you can kindly jump off a bridge.  Thank you.

My World

I’ve been playing around with Photoshop lately, in a modest effort to tease and annoy Katie’s boyfriend, currently stationed overseas.  With Mom and Katie’s help, we’ve concocted various comic strips based on the adventures of ‘Leo the Polish Pirate’ and the rest of the family, recently transmogrifying Sean into a cynical talking parrot.  It wasn’t much of a stretch.

Since then I’ve been practicing with other tools.  My drawing skills being what they are — in short  they suck — I’ve relied on photo-manipulation for my illustrations.  The following ‘world’ is one of my better creations (at least I think so).

What do you think?